Conversational skills are less significant than common ground
“I’m not sure what to say to a new person who I’ve just met.”
“It’s will be so embarassing if we have a small talk.”
“It is not comfortable because of the significant age gap between the us.”
These issues appear to be more prevalent in people who are not good at chatting. Therefore, they are always faced with the dilemma of “what to talk about.” As a result, they will refrain from speaking to strangers, engage in casual, unfringed conversation.
But a good relationship will never result from this.
How do those who are good at chatting enjoy in conversation with others? What sort of information are they referring to?
Basically, They will pay extra attention to finding common ground with one another. For instance, people may discover similar ground while discussing their jobs, interests, families, problems, hometowns, opinions, values, etc., but there may not always be a solution. In the conversation, they are seeking a common subject that they both like and it will lead to “a pleasant chat!”
The ability to communicate eloquently is most definitely not what makes someone successful at turning small talk into fortune. Even if you think you’re amusing and intriguing, if you can’t connect with the other person, you’re just putting on a one-man show.
No matter how pleasant you are when you talk, if the other person does not connect with you, the two of you will no longer be friends.
Avoid being agressive by asking too many questions and being complacent by boosting yourself.
Finding a common ground with others requires two crucial components, caring about others and self-promotion. Although it may seem obvious, many people only value one of them. Some people exclusively discuss themselves; other people converse with one another without bringing up themselves.
Some people will describe their lives in great detail and chat exclusively about them. Others won’t want to see you again if there is no common ground, and it is really terrible to have conversations like this. All you want is for this to be over soon.
There is another type of person who constantly inquires, “Are you…?” As a result. Both listening and talking about yourself are important. You won’t be able to discover common ground if you can’t communicate effectively in both of these ways.
The harmony between the two components of “self-promotion” and “caring about other people” is vital. Use thirty percent of the time for self-promotion and the rest for asking others questions. That’s the perfect proportion.
In actuality, the discomfort of “not knowing how to talk” can be removed by paying attention to the balance of the two fundamentals.